February 2012
2 posts
1 tag
Freewrite found in my journal from last November.
Sometimes I don’t understand the point of everything, going off to college and getting into debt and fighting with your roommates and making out with boys. Going to school and everything, it’s all built on the premise that in order to live a good life you have to be accepted by other people. And the saddest part is that it is probably true.
light
January 2012
4 posts
diary two →
colbymillerisanidiot:
“Can you draw me a picture of how you feel right now?” the therapist asked me.
“Yes.” I replied.
I was seventeen years old, sitting at a table, drawing my feelings on a piece of paper using colored pencils. The therapist watched me carefully, noting the colors that I used, as if it were telling. Was it?
I was finished in a matter of seconds. The therapist leaned closer,...
Angus and Julia Stone - And The Boys
1 tag
Sudden Realization:
I need to surround myself with happy people.
2 tags
Seafoam - Branch Above Me
December 2011
10 posts
As a side-note:
I didn’t want to spam this blog about every detail of my current state, so I made a little blog, missingcolby.tumblr.com. It’s really depressing now, but it should gradually get more leveled. Thank you, for everything.
2 tags
2 tags
An Appreciation Post
I just wanted to thank you for reading and supporting me and listening. There was a long period of time when I was afraid to open my mouth and speak and I believe that this little discourse community we have sustained helped me to come out of that mindset. You all are wonderful and good, good people. I cannot thank you enough. Colby leaves the country for two years started next Wednesday and I...
My soulmate and I recorded an EP. I love you all. →
3 tags
“Damara, you gave me life.”
2 tags
I Want To:
1. Be honest.
2. Be loved for it.
“How easily our loved ones
leave us, speeding into sunsets,
maiming us with...”
– Larissa Szporluk, from “Sea Lettuce” (via ahuntersheart)
1 tag
&
I have problems, sometimes. It’s true that I can have blaring faults. They may creep into my sight and cloud my vision. They might bind my lips into a horizontal encasement. And when I don’t tend to my thoughts they grow sharp edges and weave into one another and keep the ray of light at my core from shining through. I am silent, I am sad, I am mourning my own death. I am always going...
Sharon Van Etten - Love More
“Why are you breaking down, incidentally? I mean if you’re able to go into a...”
– J.D. Salinger (Franny and Zooey).
November 2011
21 posts
I am afraid, sometimes
I stand in your thin shorts, rubbing a hanging thread between the pads of my fingers. It is nice, feeling so close to you. It was harder in the beginning, because I knew that the more familiar I became with you, the more I allowed myself to love you, the farther away you would seem when you went away. I’m sorry, I am anticipating absence despite your assurances. Even now, I imagine you into...
1 tag
Colby Miller - Breakdown/Christmas in March
...
Everything will be okay.
It’s that time, again. I am happy.
Repeating in My Mind
I am good, I am good, I am good.
1 tag
,
you are everywhere.
1 tag
Magnet
colbybmiller:
You are a magnet. A magnificent magnet. You swim in a sea of mediocrity and insincere desire.
WatchThis is true love, everyone. Honestly.
&
But this is how it sometimes feels with you and I;
As if someone has tugged my string and I am slowly unraveling.
i worry about you (daily)
&
Sometimes fragments of the person I used to be come in wisps and gentle waves but then they are gone and this is who I am and it is the cage I have wielded around myself and I thought I could major in English and write but I can’t anymore because the more you write the more you think and the more you think the easier it is for the sadness to creep into your bed when you are alone at night...
Simon and Garfunkel - Old Friends / Bookends
1 tag
*
I feel little to no connection to the people I went to high school with. I really couldn’t relate to anyone at that point in my life. I think I thought too much.
1. Awake at a late hour. 2. Turn on Damien Rice. 3. Emotion becomes a hurricane.
&
And you were sitting in the dark with me and we were talking about my sister and you said, I think she is sensitive and I said I think she might be and you said I think you are sensitive, too, very sensitive and the tears came immediately because I know it’s true, that it’s always been true, from the very beginning this is how I am and almost everything I do is because I am sensitive,...
I found the perfect word for me:
sensitive.
October 2011
14 posts
1 tag
I could say more.
I could tell you how my neck hurt for days, how I didn’t talk about it for weeks. I could tell you how I forced myself to disconnect. I could tell you how I cried on my bedroom floor every night the week before you moved back in. But instead I give the money you ask for and let you go.
1 tag
In The Kitchen
Me: Sometimes I just want to die.
My mother: You should eat more.
1 tag
Value
In one of my first university courses, we were discussing literary art. My professor pulled up a print of a poem. Over the margin of the poem was a handwritten “stupid” and an arrow pointing to the text. He urged us to never completely disregard a piece of art as stupid, claiming that there is value in every work. However, he did express his distaste for the poem, and all classmates...
I have a twitter now.
My name is “damaracat.” I love you all!
1 tag
3 tags
&
It’s not even about physical attraction anymore. Every time I look at you I have this unsatisfactory and painfully unrealistic need to hold you for the rest of my life.
2 tags
I love everything ever.
Really.
“When I saw you I fell in love. And you smiled because you knew.”
– Arrigo Boito
WatchThis is my boyfriend’s album. I think he is absolutely wonderful. Listen, listen. “Lovely Ghost” is a personal favorite.
Edit: Sometimes the player glitches, so you can also click through to the bandcamp page to listen.
I am happy.
St. Vincent - Strange Mercy (Acoustic)